Welcome to Danny's blog page
This page will be a place that will deal with all aspects of health and fitness, the mental, physical, emotional and sometimes even spiritual. Whether it is talking about the latest trends in the industry, motivation, exercise tips, nutritional notes or emotional issues we will cover them.
I would like this blog to become a self-help create zone that creates positive changes in ourself that will in time create a positive change in the world.
Be prepared to become great
Thursday 27th November 2008
Energy Vampires
Ever spent time with someone and after you departed felt, emotionally exhausted and completely drained? If so you have been a victim of an energy vampire attack. Energy vampires are people who steal your time and energy they steal it with their negative talk, crappy attitude and pathetic behaviour.
Energy vampires are often well meaning, normal people just like you and I but when you become their prey, you realise they are very different. Once you recognise what’s happening you begin to understand that they are very different you begin to understand that they are an unhappy lot who harm others through their telepathic draining of their victim’s energy.
Sometimes you may not even be aware of their draining powers until it’s too late all you know is when they have gone you are not the same, your thinking, behaviour and enthusiasm has been depleted and you don’t know why. Their actions are very similar to the blood-sucking vampire but instead of sucking your blood they bleed your energy both physical and emotional. They are brilliant at destroying your enthusiasm and tearing down your confidence, they put doubts in your head, often with spiteful or undermining comments about whether you are good enough, smart enough or in control.
I feel strongly about this issue because unless you are aware of what is happening your confidence, self-esteem and sometimes happiness can slowly decline due to the constant negativity that’s being transmitted. Over the years I have met many and at times, I would say have been one. The more attuned you are of this type of behaviour the less likely you’re of becoming a victim.
There are many different types of energy vampires but I want to talk about three in particular – the paranoid, the insecure and the passive/aggressive these are the most common and being able to recognise the traits associated with them will help save you from being attacked.
We all have an energy resource that we call upon to get us through the day, some days it’s hard enough getting through our regular activities without being drained of energy, so to avoid being zapped an awareness is vital. Most energy vampires are similar in their behaviour but the three I am talking about can be the most destructive to your progress in creating your best life.
The paranoid
They don’t trust anyone, everyone is against them and life is a battlefield. They are full of fear, constantly complaining and distrustful, they constantly argue, pick fault, blame and are seldom happy. Winning is their drive and to lose makes them feel inadequate therefore winning at any cost is imperative. Paranoids insist you agree with their views and will ague until they win – this somehow gives them a feeling of being in control. The typical paranoid person is quite negative and usually hard work, they will wear you down with they insistent disagreements, nit-picking and their must win behaviour. The best way to deal with this type of person is to avoid arguing with them, being passive and where ever possible change the topic to something more pleasant.
The insecure
These people are attention seekers they crave nurturance and despise being avoided. They believe everyone else is draining their energy so they drain yours to compensate, this is done through long boring conversations usually about how unfair life is and if things weren’t so tough how fantastic they would be. All they do is take, they insist you do things for them and expect you to cater to their every need – they feel they are owed your support because it’s never their fault it’s always about someone or something else. The best way to deal with this type is to be brief with them, use encouragement but don’t offer to do things for them, never pity them this will only feed their need for acknowledgement but always be aware, no matter what you do for them you will only let them down – Don’t get offended it’s their make-up.
The passive/aggressive
These people are control freaks and crave freedom but their fear of freedom prevents them from claiming it. They are often angry and resentful for this lack of freedom so they will withdraw from the world yet deep down they are yearning to be let back in. They live in the now, seldom planning for the future, they are very ad-hoc and have grand ideas but seldom see them to fruition. They will often ask for your advice but your suggestions are always wrong and you are really no help to them – their classic response is “yes but…” - somehow you are made feel inadequate?? One of their favourite energy sucking techniques is the use of flattery to get what they want from you and when they have it they slowly chip away at destroying your confidence. They are masters of being friendly yet aggressive, kind but nasty, pleasant yet mean, often using sarcasm, humour and manipulation to gain control.
The passive/aggressive person is similar to the insecure for they have a huge desire to win at all costs only it’s done in such a subtle way, it’s like someone stealing your wallet while shaking your hand, you think to yourself how did I not see that. The best way to deal with this type of person is to be aware of their motives and see whether they are sincere because quite often they gloss over things and tell you what you want to hear to get you on side then work on controlling you.
Energy vampires are exhausting to be around, they can be found anywhere, at work, school, organisations, amongst friends and even in the family. They don’t have one particular haunt or one particular habit all you know is they are hard work and when they have gone you are left feeling low on fuel, less confident and in need of a recharge.
Don’t get me wrong, not everyone is trying to hitch a ride, there are people who genuinely need assistance and I’m all for encouraging, supporting and helping those who genuinely want to be helped. I’m not talking about them, I’m talking about the vampires who are constantly looking for attention, sympathy and control the type who usually respond to most things with a negative – “Woe is me” statement about why they can’t do, be or overcome.
We all have the ability to do amazing things and seeing people do that really excites me, it’ gives me such a buzz when a person achieves something they thought was impossible or beyond their expectations. I am very passionate about helping people create their best life but that won’t happen if you are constantly being distracted and sapped of energy.
You have to be aware of the energy vampires in your life and draw the line on their time wasting techniques. Don’t buy into their time consuming crap and negativity if they’re not prepared to change their attitude then you are allowed to put a stop to it. This isn’t always easy we may offend or seems impolite but learning to avoid it or at least spending less time with these people will make your life more fuel-efficient. Fuel efficiency enables better mileage as a result increases your chances of seeing your journey (“A better life”) to its destination.
The best way to become more fuel-efficient is to spend less time with the energy thieves and more time with positive and happy people. Have a look at the people you spend your time with assess whether they are boosting your energy or milking it because knowing and understanding where your energy is going is the difference between running out of fuel in Gloomsville or cruising down happy highway.
Tuesday 21st October 2008
Your results are your own fault
Now here’s a funny thing, summer is closing in on us and all of a sudden there’s been a huge surge in the amount of people wanting to get back into shape (how strange?). This is when people tend go into panic mode about their body and the crazy thing is – they do it every year. It’s as if during the colder months of the year people don’t have a lower body or closer to the point they don’t want to think about it and as if by magic in October it re-appears again (and usually they aren’t very happy with how it looks).
Winter workouts
All through Winter they focus purely on the upper body to be more specific their mouth region. They’re exercising the jawbone and the routine consists of lifting food to the mouth and doing reps with the jaw. This is a common winter bulk up workout and the results are amazing - guaranteed.
Sorry for being sarcastic, what really amazes me is the fact that people have neglected their body for over half the year and then believe they can transform their body back into a svelte piece of work in only a few weeks. Don’t get me wrong I love to see people getting motivated to get back in shape and will be the first to support it but what I don’t support is when people attempt to get into shape and after only a small amount of effort complain about how good they have been and nothing has happened.
Get real!! You have spent the last 6 months sitting on your arse doing very little and now that you have actually started moving you feel cheated because you don’t fit back into your jeans. - Go figure?? Sorry to disappoint you, it doesn’t work that way just because you have found motivation and the want to change doesn’t guarantee instant results.
Most times when people decide to change they confuse what they want with what they are prepared to do put another way they are enthusiastic about the end result but struggle to do what’s needed in between to get results. This is when they start to make excuses as to why they cannot fully commit to the cause. Their annual winter pledge is as successful as their New Years pledge (Made 6 months earlier), all they are is just words sugar coated with a little enthusiasm.
This pseudo passion lacks any commitment to ever finish what they started, it’s quite prevalent in people who say they want to get back into shape but never do. These people have typical behaviour patterns and personality traits, which will most times cause them to fall short of achieving any results. Their desire for instant gratification over powers their need for long-term thinking consequently they become victims of the following behaviours:
- They love the vision but not the reality.
- They love making excuses.
- They apportion blame to everyone and everything why things don’t go to plan.
- They want amazing results with minimal effort.
- They are scared of discipline and commitment.
So many times people tell me how they want to get into shape, they spend ages telling me all about their grand plans of how and why they will achieve results this time, yet when it comes down to the moment of truth (the doing part) all they really have is words. (Without action there is only analysis) It’s like they get mentally excited then have a reality check and discover the physical side will need a little effort (Derr??).
What were you thinking?
To change our body we need to have our head in the right place, we need to get our thinking right. It’s fantastic to talk about what you are going to do but unless you have your head in the right space you will always go back to what you have always been. We are physical and emotional beings we need to be both mentally and physically prepared, therefore to make any improvements in our body shape it’s imperative we get emotionally attached to the physical part as well. How we feel and think determines the decisions we will make when it comes to food, exercise and lifestyle, which means our thinking impacts hugely on the end result. Having your head in the right space helps control your thoughts and the greater the control you have of your thinking, the better the chances of achieving amazing results.
It’s not sexy
You need to decide right from the very outset, if you’re going to get into shape you have to make an effort. You have to understand that this is a long-term commitment and you need to be disciplined enough to make it work. I know this doesn’t sound too sexy in fact it’s not but who said getting in shape was sexy but the end result could definitely make you sexy.
Most of us love the idea of getting in shape so use that thought and get passionate about it, picture yourself reaching the goal and get emotionally attached to it, then nothing will stop you from going for it. So from now on “get real” stop making excuses, justifying your lack of results or blaming others because the truth is - Your results are your own fault.
Friday 3rd October 2008
External sabotage
No matter who you are we all want to be successful and nobody (correct me if I’m wrong) lives life wanting to be average. I wouldn’t know of many people who wake up in the morning and says to themself I hope I’m average today. We all try our best to create a better life but somewhere along the journey we will encounter some bad luck and adversity that can be either from an internal or external source.
Over the years I have begun to realise some of these adversities we encounter come under the title of sabotage and there are two types of sabotage - self and external. I would say we have all experienced episodes of self-sabotage where you are making great progress then for some bizarre reason you go off the rails. The other form external sabotage, this is usually caused by other people, someone (for whatever reason) who doesn’t want to see you succeed and they’ll try their best to destroy your progress.
External sabotage is extremely destructive to your progress and often kills your enthusiasm to succeed. This form of sabotage is unassuming, commonly executed by someone close to you, (partner, friend, peer group, associate, etc) and can be disguised as trying to help so it goes undetected for a long time. This is a real shock when you realise what is happening especially if it’s someone who you trust.
Would they really do that?
You often fight (in your head) with the fact that surely a friend wouldn’t do that they are so nice to me but guess what - they do and can be very good at it.
The disappointing part is the person who you thought was supporting you, is actually quite envious of your desire to succeed. This desire can make them feel uncomfortable, intimidated, insecure or even jealous; they may become nasty, vindictive and selfish and attempt to destroy your happiness and/or success.
You know the situation, your confidence is growing and you are feeling good about yourself and are in control. Then out of the blue a friend makes a comment about you in a condescending way and it makes you feel bad about your newfound confidence. The reason why this happens is because that person feels they are losing control over you, you are now happy with whom you are and they don’t like it, which makes them uncomfortable. The amount of times I have seen people fall victim to an external sabotage and accept it is phenomenal but the most devastating part is they let it impede their chances of success.
Ask anyone who has achieved any form of success, they will tell you they have had their fair share of detractors and say it wasn’t easy but if you stick to your goals, it’s well worth the effort. In any pursuit of success you will always meet people who will try to hinder your progress whether you let it stop you or not is the question.
My blood boils when I see and hear of people who are trying so hard to creative a better life but are being dragged down by others who would rather see them fail than succeed and be happy. To me someone having a desire to succeed is someone to be admired not someone to drag down, undermined or criticize. To achieve success is hard enough without external factors obstructing your progress
No doubt we have all met someone like this and may have been shocked by what and why it has happened. They may have been the last person you expected to do such a thing and you fight internally about why. There is no point in trying to change what has already happened. What we need to understand, not everyone is going to be thrilled by our desire to become amazing and that’s something you have to deal. The question is how do we reduce the chances of it happening?
Game plan
Like in sport you may not be as talented as your opposition but if you have team rules and play to them you have a far better chance of winning than if you let your opposition take control. You need to set some rules for yourself, these rules will enable greater control of the situation thus increase your chances of success.
1. Don’t tag the dragger
If someone is dragging you down and you will know because you begin to doubt your beliefs, values and lose the enthusiasm for your purpose. You don’t need negative people around you, try as much as possible to avoid them or if that is difficult spend less time with them.
2. Tackle them
Get tough and put an end to the rot, let them know you can see what they are doing and you don’t like it. Take control of the situation, the more forceful you become the more empowered you become and this will stop it from happening again.
3. Team tactics
Be aware of your associates - find a winning team. Hang with like-minded people, people who are happy to see you succeed and will support you not tear you down. Remember not everyone is going to be as excited as you (I know hard to believe) so be selective with who you associate with.
4. Stick to your plan
Whenever you are pursuing a dream you will always get your cynics but never let them stop you, the key is to stick to your plan. Your success and whatever that may be is only relevant to you it may be a battle at times but believing in yourself and having the determination to overcome will out-weigh the short-term discomfort.
External sabotage is a complex subject that deals with our emotions, personalities, behaviour patterns and traits therefore to cover it properly I would have to write a book. The point is look at the areas you aren’t progressing in your pursuit of success it may well be that someone is sabotaging your thinking.
Stop being so precious
Lately I had many conversations about how sensitive and precious we have become as a society and I agree. We have to be so careful with what we say, how we say it and in what context we use it. In some circumstances so we should, there is a time and a place for everything and there is no need to be rude, insulting or offensive just for the sake of it or to incite a reaction, that’s more about arrogance than making a point.
Recently I went to a seminar and the speaker was talking about how he was with these overweight businessmen and he referred to them as the fat blokes and some people in the audience become a little horrified that he used the term “FAT”. As the speaker explained, how else do you describe them they were blokes who were yes shall we say it – fat! The speaker describe a real life situation and somehow in today’s speak, honesty has becomes offensive and somewhat politically incorrect???
Sometimes as much as we don’t like it we need to hear the truth and it isn’t always going to pleasant and may at times even affect you emotionally. On a daily basis I speak to people about their health issues both emotional and physical because that’s my job. The thing is I don’t like when these same issues are being repeated over and over again yet nothing is being done to rectify the situation – that to me is ludicrous and time consuming. I can sit and listen to these stories and pretend to be nice and tell you what you want to hear but is that going to make you change!!!
Now don’t get me wrong I care about these issues and people and will do whatever I can to help but at some stage we need to get real because if we keep avoiding the truth will we ever learn? We need to understand that things don’t always go to plan and it’s ok not to be perfect but we also need to understand that because someone tells the truth they aren’t always politically incorrect.
You see we live in a quick fix, instant gratification society that must give us the answers and straight away because I’m too “important” and too “time poor” (Precious) to be wasting my time on finding the answers to the problems that - I’ve created.
That’s my point - most issues that people carry on about are self-inflicted they are a sum of what we have done with our health over the years and have been disregarded because they seemed so unimportant at the time so we never bothered to change.
Everyone would like to be a little fitter, leaner, stronger, self-assured blah, blah, blah but too few of us want to get real and face the truth on why we aren’t. We have become so precious about ourself that to be told that we are lazy, full of excuses, unwilling to change and eat poorly is somehow politically incorrect. How can someone talk to you that way especially when being out of shape is not your fault????
Well guess what, wake up to yourself because if you aren’t going to listen then be prepared to always be the same unhealthy, unhappy and overweight (fat) person you have always been. Now I know I have almost crossed the line here because Personal trainers are meant to be encouraging, supportive and caring. The thing is if I didn’t mention or act on this I believe I am not doing my job properly, too often I have seen people wanting change but never achieving it because no one has ever been honest enough and told them the truth. The truth by the way isn’t an in your face insult, it’s a realistic version of where you really are and where you are heading compared to where you think you are and if you don’t like then that’s your fault because life is your journey and you create the road map.
We are now the fattest nation in the world and it’s time we began to change the trend, we can do this by getting back to the basics on how to become healthier. Firstly we have to stop being so precious about ourself and the things we do, if someone tells you have put on weight, learn to suck it up and do something about it because most probably they’re right (and that’s why it hurts).
We need to start doing the un-exciting things that create success like having more discipline, self-control, being consistent and working a little harder. Obtaining success doesn’t have to always be hard and uncomfortable but ask any successful person and they’ll tell you, nothing worthwhile in life comes without a struggle so you have to put in an effort to reap any rewards.
As a call to action I would like you to look at areas in your life where you really haven’t been truthful to yourself, get real, confront the issue and make the changes needed. In a nutshell stop being so precious and do what you have to do to create the best you possible.
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Thursday 28th August 2008
Me-time
Recently while away on a break when I eventually relaxed (after 1 - 2 days) I was sitting for what seemed like ages just watching the sun set over the ocean and as I was experiencing this magic moment I thought how infrequently we actually take the time to stop and enjoy the simple things in life.
The beauty of this moment was that nothing else seemed to matter for that period of time and the experience was extremely liberating (I know a bit meditative). You read so many books and article on this kind of experience and think to yourself, “wouldn’t that be great” and somehow we actually get motivated by it – It’s that urge to be free, live in the moment, the power of now, be at piece with nature and any other cliché that goes with being one with the universe.
How often in a movie when someone is walking along the beach having one of these so-called “reflective moments”, do you picture yourself being there? Walking along the beach, the wind in your hair (for some) feeling the water splash on your feet as the waves crash onto the shore – you are totally engrossed in the moment.
The funny thing is most times it’s not so much about the location or even the event but more about the thought of being free, take time out and doing something therapeutic for yourself.
We get so caught up in the doing the do that we forget to just be. We fight with our thoughts using guilt-ridden statements like surely I can’t take time out for myself that’s being selfish or I shouldn’t put me first because that would mean I’m self-centred, self-absorbed, egocentric and that‘s wrong.
Why have we become such martyrs? We feel bad about taking time out for ourself. This is even more prevalent in parents (especially mums) who put everyone and everything else first and forget to take time for themself.
Before you attack me and say you don’t understand what being a parent is. Yes you are right I may not know what it’s like to be a parent but I do know what it’s like to see people who are trying so hard to be Mr or Mrs everywhere that they have become a victim of time, who are tired and burnt out. Over the years I have experienced so many mums who suffer what I call “Mum syndrome” they have become so involved in making sure everyone else’s life is in order that they have lost their own and that is really sad.
So going back to my magic moment being one with the ocean, I started to think about how often do we take time out from our busy schedules and do something to de-stress? When was the last time you stopped being busy and took some time out for yourself.
When we have no “Me time” we tend to become burnt out and gradually start to disconnect ourself from the things that really matter most and progressively lose our identity. The key is to recognize this and make the appropriate changes being able to slow things down helps reconnect us with who we are.
Don’t get caught up feeling guilty about taking time out for yourself. It’s not selfish it’s essential for keeping a healthy mind. I’ve seen too many people who are run down, burnt out and unhappy from putting everyone and everything first. Life is all about performing at your best and no matter how important your role, you are of no value to anyone if you are burnt out and under performing. So find some “Me time” in your schedule (even if you have to book time in your diary for it) totally indulge yourself in it and recharge your batteries. You are worth it!!!
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