Commitment
To yourself and the other 6 secrets
We’d all like to better and I can confidently say there wouldn’t be too many people who would say no to, having a happier, healthy and more purposeful life. Most people have great intentions in making this a reality (usually on a Monday or around the New year) we get all excited about the prospects of what we’re going to do and be. In these moments of excitement we may even write down our intentions and devise a plan of action but when it comes to taking the necessary steps to make it happen too often this is where the excitement stops, procrastination sets in and we find it hard to commit.
Why is committing such a struggle?
Commitment is an important factor when trying to create any form of success because it keeps you accountable to your goal. Committing to a cause is making a promise to yourself that you’ll finish what you started, no matter what happens you’ll see it through to the end. Commitment isn’t about maybe’s it’s about unconditionally putting yourself into it and doing whatever it takes to improve your chances of succeeding.
Over the years I’ve seen many people (Maybe me too) who speak committed about making changes for the better but when it comes down to the doing part, they’re really only talking interested. There’s a big difference between being interested (involved) and committed. Commitment is based on having a set of values and staying true to them, you make them non-negotiable even when crap happens you never lose sight of the big picture. Whereas on the other hand being interested you may have those same values but whenever things get a little tough, challenging or uncomfortable you opt for the easy way, disregard your values and usually sabotage your attempts at success.
This I believe is due to the fact that many people don’t realise the difference between being interested and committed. Talking about something (being interested) and actually doing it (committed) are two hugely different things.
I’ll share a story I heard recently regarding this, (sorry you may never look at eggs and bacon the same again). Here’s in short how the story goes, the chicken plays its part in the breakfast process by laying the eggs, which is a mighty fine effort but once those eggs are laid they’re soon taken away and the chook can rest easy to carry on doing its thing. So let’s say the chicken is somewhat involved or has an interest in the process, whereas the poor old pig has to surrender its life to become the bacon, it fully commits to the cause. The pig has a non-negotiable deal it cannot be half committed it’s all or nothing otherwise there’s no bacon – Now that’s commitment.
That’s an extreme example of commitment but the point is at times we will have to get a little uncomfortable, (hopefully not as uncomfortable as the pig) have non-negotiable rules and actually commit to get what we really want. If we only show an interest or never get passionate about what we want, the chances are it will only be a short term and eventually you’ll stop pursuing it.
Commitment is so much easier when you have passion. Have you ever had a job, been involved in a team or group where you spend most of your time looking for a way out or reasons not to commit because your hearts not in it. This isn’t a great place to be, in fact it’s quite unhealthy because and there’s no real incentive for you to be there, there’s no passion so eventually you end up frustrated and will either quit or damage the team ethics.
The truth is, commitment is hard work and when things don’t go to plan and your enthusiasm wanes, it is easy to lose focus but by placing passion and purpose around what’s important and implementing non-negotiable rules you’ll continue doing what’s needed to stay on track regardless of what hurdles you encounter.
Commitment like discipline isn’t about having rigidity and no fun because you can’t stay in that type of environment for too long. Commitment is about having self-respect, living true to your values, being flexible enough to adapt to change and open-minded enough to find better ways of dealing with it.
Hopefully the next time you decide to make a change you’ll look at the word commitment in a different light because commitment is only a word we use, it comes down to what meaning you give it.
Wednesday 15th December
Discipline
I mentioned in the previous issue how I am going to elaborate on each of the seven points of creating forever change (Discipline, Commitment, Consistency, Adaptability, Patience, Belief, Persistence) and explain how by implementing these you’ll discover how to become happier in your skin and why that’s vital in your growth as a person .
Discipline is the first step in any process of change but before you shut off because I’ve mentioned the word discipline let me explain. Discipline is a word that conjures all sorts of negative thoughts like restriction, rigidity, sacrifice, pain and hard work. That may be true in the literary sense but it doesn’t have to be so in reality. I believe when attempting to make any form of change discipline is necessary especially at the beginning because it helps you form good habits, establish the foundations for new behaviours and creates accountability.
As in the Divynals song there’s a fine line between pleasure and pain and that’s how we live life, we associate things according to either pleasure or pain but somehow when it comes to changing our body shape we tend to associate the word discipline with pain.
It’s funny how often I hear people complain about their big bum or the rolls around their belly telling me how much it upsets them yet never associate it deeply enough with pain to make any changes???
Using chocolate as an example (sorry to all you chocoholics out there) people associate chocolate with pleasure because it appeals to your all your senses, it causes a rapid mood change, a rise in blood pressure, increasing the heart rate and inducing those feelings of well being, bordering on euphoria usually associated with being in love or lust (Just one more piece - Please!!!!J). You might say so Danny, where’s the issue here and what’s your point!!! Well on the other side chocolate euphoria is, it can also be a contributor to fat bums which makes you the unhappy in your own skin. Therefore the fine line between pleasure and pain comes down to enjoying the short-term moment of chocolate euphoria or having a little discipline enjoying long-term happiness with who you are.
Don’t get me wrong chocolate is ok but my point is, we’d rather go for the short-term pleasure (and fat bum) than to implement a little discipline and gain long-term happiness. By the way discipline isn’t long-term and doesn’t have to be so painful, in fact its only used in the beginning to establish the initial changes, once these are in place it is no longer discipline - It’s then a habit!!!
The difficulty people have with discipline arises when they go from no rules to full-on restriction and in doing so associate discipline with too many negative feelings because it becomes all about constraints, limitations and sacrifices (not much fun there).
As in anything in life we can take the easy or hard way and most times especially when it comes to getting into shape people for some crazy reason opt to take the hard way. They make discipline a chore, associate it with unpleasant feelings which right from the start is recipe for failure. This way of thinking creates negative energy and discipline should be a positive experience about creating feel good emotions that propel you forward not hold you back.
Discipline isn’t about being perfect, just because you don’t get it right the first time doesn’t mean you have no discipline, in fact it’s a chance to learn from the experience and do better next time. Getting into shape is a constant learning process and like most things in life the more you practice the better you become at it.
Imagine if every time you attempted something and it didn’t work out you gave up, you’d never achieve anything. Let’s take J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter, she is currently the second-richest female entertainer on the planet, however, when she wrote the first Harry Potter book in 1995, it was rejected by twelve different publishers. Even Bloomsbury, (who finally purchased her manuscript), told her to “get a day job.” What would have become of little Harry if she had no discipline and gave up at the first set-back???
This is where disciple becomes a factor because it’s all too easy to stop trying when things get a little difficult or somewhat uncomfortable but what having discipline does is gives you rules to play by, keeps you grounded and level headed enough to pursue what’s important to you.
From now on whenever creating change or starting something new give yourself some rules (Discipline) to keep you on track until it becomes a habit. Like J.K. Rowling what lies ahead may be something very, very powerful and not only change your life but the lives of many others.
Choose your path wisely J
Love to hear your comments
Wednesday 8th December
The 7 secrets to a better body
As a Personal trainer/health coach it’s my job to talk about weight loss or as I prefer to call it getting into shape, which is fine but lately I’ve had this recurring theme running through many conversations. Why is it so had to lose weight? I won’t even try to count the amount of times I’ve spoken to clients about this and about what you need to do to make it happen but it never ceases to amuse me seeing the disappointment on their face when I give them my answer.
The reason why these people get so disappointed is because they were hoping that my answer was a quick and easy solution to the problem that, most times they have created themselves. (I wish I had that magicwand or a super power that changes people from flab to fab). The reality is, if you are not happy within your skin and expect a quick/easy fix to solve your (poor habits) problem it will always end up in tears.
During these conversations (I eventually give my answer) but not before I’ve spent some time explaining the 7 secrets to obtaining long-term health. At this stage the client is listening with such enthusiasm, anticipation and excitement because they are expecting a solution to their problems, only to get;
- Discipline
- Commitment
- Consistency
- Adaptability
- Patience
- Belief
- Persistence
Nothing too mind-blowing or exciting there, in fact as I give this as the solution to their problem I get the look of “Is that it” and a response of disappointment followed by comments like “I thought you would have a better answer than that”,well sorry to disappoint you but in a nutshell that’s pretty much it.
Today we are bombarded with so much information (some good some not) from the Health and Fitness industry about how to get the look, have the body you desire or lose the kilo’s with little or no effort. Don’t get me wrong these are motivational tactics and it’s great to see people motivated and active.
What these tactics tend to do is get people motivated to set out on their journey of getting into shape but usually with unrealistic expectations, which by about week three usually ends up in frustration and disillusionment due to the perceived lack of results from all their hard work.L
At some stage we (The Fitness industry) need to stop marketing the quick fix and be straight-up about what is required in regards to creating any success when attempting to get into shape. Let’s face it majority of us are well aware that if we eat crap and don’t exercise we’ll get fat, it’s not rocket science, we also understand that to achieve any sort of results you have to replace some bad habits for better ones and become more active.
So ball park figure right from wrong, we know what to do but somehow when it comes to the “changing of our (Bad) habits” part of the process we struggle. The fortunate part is that’s ok because if getting in shape was just about food and exercise it would be easy and I think most of us would look buffed and beautiful but it’s not.
Getting in shape is more about getting your head in the right space and understanding that things will go wrong, you will fall off the wagon and yes you will have bad days but that’s part of the process and the more you understand that, the greater your chances are of success.
The reason why the doing part in any process of change can be so hard is because as much as we love the thought of getting in shape too often our expectations override our reality.
I understand that life gets in the way of progress and at times it’s not always possible to be in control but that isn’t an excuse for stopping. I have said this many times before, the number one reason why people fail when attempting to “get into shape” is because they never finish what they start.
Over the next few articles I want to elaborate on each of the seven points
above and explain in further detail why they are so important in the process of change because when applied they will be the key to forever change. Now when I say forever change I’m talking about getting to the point where you are maintaining your body shape because you’re now happy in your skin.
During this time I will share with you some real experiences, ideas and tips on how to get your head in the right space and set you on the road to being happy in your skin. I would also love you to get involved and share your thoughts, experiences (good and bad) with me in the hope it may help others on their journey too.
Remember “You’re worth it”
Choose your path wisely
Love to hear your comments
Wednesday 29th Sept 2010
“Putting it out there”
Recently during a coaching session with a client we tackled the issue of how planning ahead helps create success and the statement of “Putting it out to the universe and see what happens” come up and as the conversation progressed I couldn’t help but think that as much as I believe this works there is also another side to this kind of thinking - Action. I believe the universe does look after us if you trust it but that doesn’t give you the right to expect things to happen just because you want, need or feel you deserve something. Like most things in life nothing worthwhile comes without an effort.
I asked my client – “How many times when you’ve been stressed about a personal, financial, family, relationship, or a career matter have you ask the universe to take control of your situation and it responded straight away?” Answer – Never!! The universe will definitely work with you but it doesn’t just magically happen, it’s like any partnership it works on the rule of give and take therefore expecting it to fix all your problems instantaneously just because you “Throw it out to there” is like expecting to win the tattslotto without ever buying a ticket.
I understand it’s no use getting uptight about what you can’t control because worry never solves any problems but what I don’t understand is, when people think it’s their right to assume everything will fall into place just because they “Put it out there”. Ask any successful person and they will tell you, yes you can “Put it out there” but it has to be backed with action because without action it’s just talk.
The more I thought about this philosophy the more I realized that some people are brilliant on the theory side of motivation/personal development and can talk about it all day long yet when it comes time for the doing somehow their enthusiasm just isn’t as strong anymore. They’re what I call “Motivational theorist”.
Motivational theorist’s love the non-physical part of success they read, listen to and talk about how to become amazing but when it comes to putting it into practice they expect external forces to do all the work. Theorists are going to do, be or achieve great things, they use all the motivational quotes and clichés to sound impressive yet never really produce anything of substance and somehow always seem to have an excuse why.
Don’t get me wrong I’m all for motivational, inspirational, self-improvement, self betterment (if that’s a word) kinda thinking but it has to be backed up with some action. Action is paramount to any pursuit of purpose and is vital in creating momentum in the right direction. What action does is put the “Putting it out there” statement on steroids, it pumps it up, gives it some oomph and with that energy you’ll be quite amazed how situations start to turn around and all of a sudden opportunities begin to appear.
Your best life doesn’t just miraculously happening, it’s not something you can purchase off the shelf, it’s achieved from experiencing the wins and losses in our constant journey of learning and being prepared enough to fail and take some risks
.
The reality of life is, it isn’t always going to be a pleasure cruise and yes there will be some tough times (maybe really tough times) but nothing will change if you keep waiting for the universe, someone or something to do it for you.
You need to start the process yourself for example if you don’t like where you are in life do something about it, if you hate your job - find a new one, feel trapped - make an exit plan, want to travel - book a ticket, need more cash -work harder or smarter, there is always something you can do to make a change. No matter what you are or aren’t pursuing you eventually have to make a decision because there’s always an action plan you can take (By the way not making a decision is actually making one).
It’s time to leave club theorists and get passionate about your life because only you have the power to control that, stop waiting for external powers to bring you luck and make it happen. Decide today that from now on you’re the one responsible for what happens in your life and you will be the person accountable for creating the best version of you possible.
Chose your path wisely
Love to hear your comments
Friday 3rd September 2010
Adapting to change
Strength in simplicity
It’ s amazing how advanced we’ve become over the last decade, we have more gadgets, gizmos and hi tech equipment than ever before and (apparently) these advancements are designed to save time, increase productivity, helps us become more efficient while making life simpler. Yet even with all this technology we still somehow manage to be rushing, have less time for leisure and life appears to be just as complicated if not maybe even more than before.
A common catch cry of today is “If only I had more time” What if you did have more time? I can bet for most people they’d fill it up with more tasks and somehow still end up with no time. Here’s an irony the number one reason why people don’t finish what they start is due to lack of time??? So in reality time-saving devices and technology isn’t what’s needed its being able to simplifying things and being smarter with our time.
We believe that technology has made our life easier and think because we can multi-task we’ve become more efficient users of time. To a great extent all we’ve done is become more accessible (on demand) and made multi-tasking fashionable, so in essence what we’re done is complicate the simple.
We seem to have this wonderful ability to make things more complicated than they need to be? Let’s take people wanting to change their body shape as an example, they decide to go on a fad diet or exercise program, struggle to stick to it due to its complexity and before long return to their previous unhealthy lifestyle. This is a perfect example of people doing things the hard way as opposed to keeping it simple by making a few sustainable adjustments to your unhealthy behaviors and making them a habit!
We are funny creature us humans we say we want simple but do everything to create complicated. It’s as if the more complicated something is the more credibility it must be. We spend so much time looking for greener grass, the next big thing or the secret that we fail to see the simple (what most times has always been there).
I remember a few years ago a client of mine was building a new house he was so excited, this (he believed) was going to be the key to a happy home life but when things didn’t go exactly as planned what was to be an enjoyable process became a challenging and frustrating one. He later realized the key to his happiness wasn’t the house, it was the people within it, he’d become so caught up in complex that he lost sight of what was always there. He cluttered his mind with issues and problems which changed his state of mind so instead of enjoying the process he created the very thing he wanted to avoid unhappiness in the house.
Happiness depends, less on exterior things than most suppose - William Cowper.
Our thinking, perceptions, emotions and unconscious behaviours are all controlled by the mind and the clearer the mind is, the better they function. Whenever you get anxious, angry, frustrated, overworked or overwhelmed it causes stress and mind-clutter so what was once tolerable becomes intolerable.
Strength is in simplicity and sometimes (when stressed) we need to change our focus, slow things down a little or take time out to reassess the purpose of what we are trying to achieve. It’s difficult to gain any form of clarity when your mind is full of clutter and confusionyour thinking is no longer clear, your emotional state changes therefore making decision often becomes difficult.
It’s in these moments you need to step away from the situation (the some-one or something that’s causing the problem) by taking a break, some time out, a deep breath or finding some personal space. It’s usually in these quiet moments you’re able to see the situation for what it really is, view it with a different perspective and gain some clarity. You know the scenario - you’re trying to think of something and no matter how hard you try the answer just won’t come and later in a quieter moment it comes to you.
So from now on instead of letting circumstance and complexity take control and cause you unnecessary grief and anxiety, learn to appreciate the strength in simplicity by removing yourself from the confusion to regain clarity and you’ll discover the answer is and will always be in the simple.
I’ll leave you with a Confucius saying
Man who paints toilet not necessarily a shithouse painter
Sorry wrong one
“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated”.
Friday 25th June 2010
Why worry?
Unless you have been hiding away in the mountains or you live life oblivious to what’s going on you would know that we are heading into tougher financial times ahead. Now this I believe is something we need to be aware of or at least it’s worth pay attention too.
Some people are talking the future to be full of gloom and doom they are worried what lays ahead, the thing is, whether we are heading for an economic downturn or not you need to be prepared. Even though we don’t know what is ahead worrying about it won’t change things so instead of worrying use this time to take stock of where you are, get back to the basics and reassess your core values.
I was reading an article just recently about the economic down-turn and it was commenting on how the Gen Y-ers were not going to let this (according to the article) “crisis” interfere with their life and if a recession occurs it’s not going to stop them enjoying themselves or going on their planned overseas trip.
Now that approach or attitude got me thinking, how often do we get told something and then go into a “chicken little” panic of gloom and doom thinking the world as we know it is going to end. I know a lot of people (myself included) give the Gen Y-ers a bit of a basing at times but this particular time I tend to like the way they think. They understand that yes we are heading into harder times but why let that stop you pursuing happiness and the things you want to do in life.
As we get older we tend to be less hasty with our decision making and become very analytical about what is best - lets call it a maturity thing. The point is the more analytical we become the less risk we take and the higher the anxiety or worry we place on ourself. Worry, anxiety or stress is becoming the number one killer in our society and we have developed into a nation of worriers, which has made us more susceptible to becoming depressed, sick, unhappy and unhealthy.
There is so much pressure these days to be perfect, to have everything in it’s place, everything running according to plan and this places a tremendous amount of unnecessary pressure on us to perform. Perfection isn’t going to happen and the reason why is because our life, our goals and situations are constantly changing and what you thought back then often changes as you grow and view things from a different perspective. How often when you reach a goal you realise another has superseded it, something a little more challenging something that stretches you further again - It’s called happy discontentment.
Everyone deserves to live life to the fullest and not get dragged down or hindered by external distractions that may or may not happen. Like the Gen Y-ers we shouldn’t let some predictions dictate what we can and can’t do, they have an excitement and desire to enjoy the journey, which is admirable (maybe a little naïve) but still admirable. The point I’m trying to make here is we need to spend less time listening to what other people are saying and start to listen to our inner voice.
Never stop doing the things that resonate with you, things that make your life that little more enjoyable and most importantly are in line with your purpose. Too often we listen to information and act on it without even digesting the content, which often causes “data dyspepsia” (anxiety and worry). Worrying only makes situations worse then because of it we tend to blow things way out of proportion create unnecessary angst for ourself and lose focus on what our true values are. We spend so much time and energy focusing on the
distractions in our life that we short-circuit our hard-wired system, which actually attracts the things we desire into our life.
I love this statement it’s very powerful and extremely apt
“You never see a worried magnet”
We all know how a magnet functions and I’m sure we have all done the magnet under the paper trick where you have the iron filings or metal objects on top of the paper and move the magnet. What happens? Everything gets attracted to the magnet, it’s so simple yet so powerful. The magnet never changes its shape or colour, it doesn’t increase its work or use extra energy on stress in fact it doesn’t worry at all because it knows eventually those metal objects (its purpose) will gravitate towards it.
This analogy is what we need to do in our life. We need to stop worrying about the external objects and about how far out of reach they may or may not be. We need to take stock, look at the things we can control right now and use that to create a better life. Worrying only creates distraction and the more distractions you have going on in your life the greater the uncertainty therefore less clarity of purpose.
Be like the magnet – It keeps things simple, it never worries about what it’s missing out on, it never gets distracted by external issues it just focuses on its purpose, which most times it achieves.
No matter what the future holds listening less to the gloom and doom and use the magnet theory (simplicity) as a metaphor for life. Spend more time on what you can do right now, find your purpose for life and what makes you happy and in doing so you will generate an excitement for what’s ahead. Stop worrying about what you might miss out on and focus what you can have. Like the Rolling stones song – “you can’t always get what you want but if you try some times you get just what you need” and I believe that will make you very happy.
Choose your path wisely.
Love to hear your comments
